Sports

There’s nothing else that is really going to come close to
this.

Boston’s
Christmas Day pairing with the Lakers comes compares in a way, but we know what
the Lakers are all about. We know the team’s offense, we’re familiar with the
squad’s underrated defense, and we know the
team’s motivation. The outcome of that game was in question, no doubt about
that, but you had a good idea entering into that matchup just how things were
going to shake out.

With the Cavs … I’ve no idea. Cleveland has completely
revamped its offense, while sustaining that defensive edge; and the Cavaliers
are on their way toward putting together a record-setting season in terms of
point differential, which any NBA brainiac from Hubie Brown on down will tell
you is the best way of determining who’s better, and who’s best.

This team is first in offensive efficiency, and first in
defensive efficiency. The Bulls did that, once. One
time. And that’s it. You might not think the Cavs the best team in the league,
but anyone who tells you that any team has played better than Cleveland this season just doesn’t know what
they’re on about.

But Cleveland
has also had an easier schedule than most, and the team is still working in an
offense that hasn’t been tested much. When things get tough, will they revert
to their old ways? Will they toss the ball to LeBron some 35 feet away from the
basket, and ask him to go 1-on-5? Everyone has a strategy until they get hit,
and Boston
likes to hit, so what happens when the strategy takes a hit?

Cleveland
could romp, they could roll over, or we could get a classic. I’ve no idea. Yes,
it’s a Friday night, but let’s pay attention.

Cleveland Cavaliers:
28-6, 89.7 possessions per game (23^rd), 113.1 points scored per 100
possessions (1^st), 99.4 points allowed per 100 possessions (1^st).

Boston Celtics:
29-8, 91.1 possessions per game (17^th), 109.5 points scored per 100
possessions (7^th), 99.5 points allowed per 100 possessions (2^nd).

This month’s issue of Men’s Journal has an interview with Suns’ center Shaquille O’Neal, and as tends to be the case with most things featuring The Big Twitter, it’s ridiculously funny. This particular quote, via Fanster, had me in tears while I searched the BDL archives for the Photoshop above.

Q: What would you do with a time machine?
A: Go to the cloning era, clone myself 20 times, and put myself in America as 20 different people. One Shaq would be a banker. One Shaq would be a sheriff. One Shaq would be a race car driver. One Shaq would be a prince. One Shaq would be Spanish. We’d all be here at the same time, and every once in a while I’d meet myself.

Yep. Multiplicity 2, starring Shaquille O’Neal — coming to a theater near you soon!

Anyway, the Arizona Republic has more Shaq snippets of brilliance, which I highly recommend you check out. His answer to the question about what song he listens to at least once a week was especially enlightening.

The D-League showcase is the minor league basketball family reunion. You see all the guys you haven’t seen in months loitering around the lobby of the same hotel.

At this year’s reunion, everyone was asking me when and why I left France. They quickly followed that question with "Can I get a Boom Tho shirt?" and "Where the heck did you get those Stewie Griffin slippers?"

I spent my time in the lobby of the Provo Marriot answering a lot of questions.

The Boom Tho shirt questions led me to realize that a lot more players were buying into the Boom Tho movement than last season. There will be a lot of guys in ‘09 Boom Tho gear, in TMRB posts and starring in videos sooner than you think. The hype and love made me feel good to be back stateside.

The Stewie Griffin slippers sparked a lot of dialogue amongst the guys. I told them that I was just feeling really casual right now. I was just really relaxed. Then there was one guy who said, "You know what NBA player looks exactly like Stewie Griffin, don’t you?"

"No, I definitely don’t," I answered.

"On your computer go check out the Washington Wizards," he said.

I had my laptop right there so I opened it open and went to NBA.com, then to the Wiz page.

"OK."

"Alright go to the roster and look at Oleksiy Pecherov."

I was a little skeptical because Stewie looks really jacked up. The fact that a real human could look like him was a little hard to swal— the page finished loading and interrupted my train of thought.

Pecherov looked as close to Stewie Griffin as a human could look. (Ed. note: It’s true.) There is no doubt that when this kid (a seven-footer) was a baby, he looked just like Stewie.

I now wear Oleksiy Pecherov slippers.

*****

We played our first game against the Iowa Energy on Tuesday afternoon. My stats weren’t awesome, but I felt like my legs were back working the way they should be. I converted a couple three-point plays and played some pretty good defense in crucial situations that helped us get the victory against the league’s best team. (That, and my teammate David Bell’s 28 off the bench.)

After the game I did an interview with D-League.com. I checked out the interview the next day and I thought it adequately described me return experience. You should check it out.

Now we’re in Sioux Falls for a game tonight and tomorrow. Time to get grimy.

Rod Benson
is a Cal grad who plays for the D-League’s Dakota Wizards. When he’s
not busy answering questions, he blogs one or two times a week on Ball
Don’t Lie. Read his archive, pay a visit to TooMuchRodBenson.com and always support the Boom Tho movement.

A look around the league and the web that covers it. It’s also important to note that the rotation order and starting nods aren’t always listed in order of importance. That’s for you, dear reader, to figure out.

C: Denver Stiffs. Tonight’s DET/DEN game is sure to be an emotional one for AI, Billups and the fans.
PF: NBA Mate, via Indy Cornrows. Danny Granger is a platypus. It all makes sense now.
SF: Posted Sports, via CS. Jose Calderon, like many Torontonians, can’t watch his Raps’ play on TV.
SG: Celtics Blog. Celtics’ writer Steve Weinman thinks the fan experience at the IZOD is a joke.
PG: Brew Hoop. One possible reason Ridnour is getting so many ASG votes: people loved him in "Juno."
6th: The Onion. Project Runway host Tim Gunn takes the Wizards shopping for less hideous uniforms.
7th: Ballhype. A new 90-second Suns’ spot using the classic Sinatra song "You Make Me Feel So Young."
8th: PDX Pipeline. Benicio Del Toro loves him some Portland Trail Blazers. (Anthony Keidis does too.)
9th: Lowposts. Greg Oden as Eeyore works. "Didn’t expect it to. But I’m kind of … glad."
10th: Detroit Bad Boys. A thorough list of the Big Men who could be available come 2010.

June 1988. Atlantic City, New Jersey. Los Angeles Lakers‘ great Magic Johnson poses with Andrei Kirilenko Dolph Lundgren at the Mike Tyson/Michael Spinks pre-fight party at the Trump Plaza hotel. Seconds later, an angel gets its wings. Best caption wins the respect and admiration of a son they left behind years ago. (Yes, lots riding on today’s create-a-caption.) Good luck.

After the jump, a 7′2" Iranian Grizzly.

Winner, indeedproceed:
The Grizzlies finally get aggressive with Hamed Haddadi’s "Living Statue" phase.

Runner-up, E.B. White:
For his next trick, "Hamed the Great" will escape from the rubber band,
eat his trainer and then properly rotate to defend a weak-side pick n’
roll.

Garbage Time All-Stars is by Josh Frankel and Mark Haven Britt: two cartoonists, illustrators and basketball fans.
GTAS post a new NBA comic on Ball Don’t Lie every week, but for more
wit and drawings check out garbagetimeallstars.com. Also, you can buy Britt’s critically-acclaimed graphic novel, Full Color, at Amazon.

As most of you know, I co-host a daily NBA podcast at The Basketball Jones.
This season, for reasons unknown, Tas, JD and I have decided to try our
luck with video. As
always, questions, comments and feedback are appreciated.

On today’s show, Tas and I scoff at the Eddy Curry "showcase," interview Denver Nuggets‘ mascot Rocky via satellite and hit the D-League to hand out our Wanker Of The Week.

And oh, if you’re in the mood, here’s how to leave us an iTunes review. Cheers.

Subscribe to the audio show on iTunes | Download the .mp3 directly
Subscribe to the video show on iTunes | Download the .m4v directly

Ah, see — now it all makes sense. He’s aging backwards! Corn was right all along.

Breaking (fake) news out of New York this morning: Deloris Jordan, mother of basketball living legend Michael Jordan, has just been added to the lineup for this year’s Sprite Slam Dunk Contest.

Deloris, Magic center Dwight Howard, Grizzlies forward Rudy Gay, Knicks guard Nate Robinson and a mystery fifth competitor will compete in the dunk off Feb. 14 during the NBA All-Star Weekend festivities in Phoenix.

Her highlight reel is impressive. Take note, Superman.

(via NESW Sports)

San Antonio 106, Los
Angeles Clippers 84 

Do you get the feeling that Coach Pop and Mike Dunleavy
trotted out the worst suits they own on Thursday, because they knew nobody
was going to be paying
attention? No? Well, you should get that feeling.

The shots weren’t falling, Tim Duncan couldn’t even get to double-figures
in points, so the Spurs amped up the defense and still came out with a 22-point
win. 31 fourth quarter points for San Antonio,
the Clippers can only keep you down for so long, as Tony Parker led the way
with 19 points and Duncan
finished with nine assists.

Things get tougher for the Spurs from here on out. According to Jeff
Sagarin, the team has had the easiest schedule in the league thus far, and
while they haven’t had the easiest time (with Tony Parker and Manu Ginobili
missing time) of it, this is still significant.

To close out January, the Spurs play the Lakers twice, Orlando, New Orleans, Utah, Phoenix and New Jersey. They’ll have
an easy one against Charlotte, but also a trio of games against underachievers
(Philly, Chicago, Indiana) that fancy themselves as better
than their record indicates.

Also, starting on January 25^th, the Spurs will
play 11 of 12 games on the road.

Dallas
99, New York 94

"You have to erase
your floppy disc and become a shooter." — Jason Kidd.

"Sometimes you just
have to pass on a Tab and say, ‘Coke is it!’ By the way, does Rudy look old to
you?" — Bill Cosby.

"I told Ollie, ‘you
shred those SOBs, and it’s like the whole thing never happened!’ By the way,
does Rudy look old to you?" — Caspar Weinberger.

Three of these quotes are relevant to the 1980s. Only one of
them was uttered in 2009. Try to guess which one.

With Dirk Nowitzki suffering through a head cold and fever,
Kidd brought the offense on Thursday, nailing a couple of late-game shots to
keep the Knicks at bay. Now, "[bringing] the offense" with Kidd means 16 points
on 15 shots, but you can’t argue with a win, even if we have to wonder if his
4-10 shooting from long range, while needed, may have caused a few fast breaks
toward the other end.

22 first half points for Chris Duhon, but he finished with
24, and Al Harrington (5-18 shooting) finally came back to earth for the
Knicks. On the plus side, the Knicks did finally find a team they can
out-rebound.

And that’s the way Thursday went.